Monday, July 30, 2007

Mitsubishi = Cars for assholes!

Cars for assholes.
Not that I have anything against the auto company or their cars, but why is it that 5.389 out of 10 jerks on the road are driving Mitsubishi cars? While I didn't take statistics for the two years I remained a psych major, I have done quite a lot of accounting and I've done the numbers.

My wife, who sits next to me in our car and listens to me count off the Mitsubishi driving bozos, thinks the phenomenon might exist because the cars are sporty and inexpensive, thus ignorant, materialistic, low self esteem, narcissistic fools are more prone to buy them. I think that makes a lot of sense.

This fellow in the picture above crossed into my lane ahead of me quickly, without signaling (Does Mitsubishi provide signal lights on their cars?), and so close as to almost clip the front of my Mercury. What are you gonna do? Happens everyday to everybody, right? So, I took a picture.

While in the past I've been tempted, like everybody else, to use age or race to stereotype bad drivers, I increasingly find using the type of car and color choice to profile the driving challenged, not only less bigoted and irrational, but much more accurate in the long run.

So, am I seeing things? Does my wife have a point? Do you give a damn?

The only thing worse than a jerk driving a Mitsubishi is a jerk driving a RED Mitsubishi. Don't people who drive red cars realize they are compensating for their inadequacies, trying to use color to get the attention they've been deprived of and are dying for? When are we going to stop using automobiles as advertising for the self? It's a machine!!!

Oh, here's a thought, how about a person driving a red Mitsubishi with bumper stickers all over the back end? How low is that person's self esteem?

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